(no subject)

[captainryan]

The full moon lights the Scottish landscape making it easy for even humans to see tonight.
(Throw away my dreams,)
Which is good because otherwise he would have tripped by now.
(this fight for my life isn't getting behind me.)
He’s running, fleeing, jumping at every shadow. That’s the thing about light. Light always casts shadows. He knows what’s behind them, in them, knows that he can’t really escape them. But he’s trying anyway.
(And I've been told to scream.)
There’s dirt in his mouth. He doesn’t remember falling, but he starts crawling, trying to escape the massive weight on his back.
(When no one can hear me, it doesn't mean nothing.)
He can hardly move until it’s off of him, dragging him back, flipping him over. He’s in its shadow, seeing nothing but its silhouette.
(So make me believe.)
“No!” The teeth are already flashing towards him.
(Just take me away from this hell I've created.)
The blood is ecstasy. He cleans his muzzle before looking back down at the kill, his own body.
(And I'm afraid)
Except it’s not. Its Suzi’s, throat torn open, blood burbling out, pooling around her on the ground. He crouches to lap at it, following the flow back to its source.
(I'm breaking my own vows)
Her eyes are open, watching him, face smiling.
(knowing I'll go down in flames)
“I really do love you, Richard,” she says, extending her tentacles to his muzzle.
(I know this can't be right.)
Ryan jerks awake, mouth open in a silent cry. After a moment-a moment of horror, disgust, and fear-he realizes it was just a dream. The same dream he’s been having for a week. He doesn’t heave. He hasn’t since the first time he had it.
(There's got to be something more that I can live for.)
Spoon woke the memory up. Suzi made it terrifying.
(And I can only hide,)
He throws the covers off and pads to the bathroom. Bare-chested, he glares at the scars in the mirror.
(inside of this sickness for so long again.)
This is ridiculous. The same dream for a week? Utter nonsense. Yet here he is, looking at himself in the mirror once more. He turns on the faucet till it’s spewing forth ice-cold water.
(So make me believe)
She said she loved him. She said it and he starts having nightmares. He splashes his face. This is why he doesn’t connect with people. It made him weak. If he didn’t love Suzi, he’d still be sleeping right now. He pauses in his movements.
(Just take me away from this hell I've created)
If he didn’t love Suzi?
(And I'm afraid)
He loved her, Lord help him. Lord help Suzi. The faucet is shut off. It’s a dangerous position, especially with Witherspoon coming to the Bar. She’s in danger because of him. That man was insane. Yes, Ryan was using the new soap Bar gave him to help mask his scent, and that would help some. The problem was would it be enough?
(I'm breaking my own vows)
There are other options, he’s aware, grabbing a hand towel. He could avoid her completely, but he already knows that wouldn’t work. Not only would Suzi never agree to it, there’s that part of him screaming that she’s pack.
(knowing I'll go down)
Pack?
(Make me believe.)
He turns the term over in his head a few times, but it’s really no surprise. It only reinforces what he already knew. He starts patting his face dry. Another option would be to simply kill Witherspoon. Unfortunately, he told Wells he would only do so if Witherspoon attacked again. He could always provoke the other werewolf, but he would honestly rather not.
(Just take me away from temptation that's calling me.)
The final option, then, would be to keep Suzi out of that situation. He flashes back to the two of them being eaten and he realizes that it’s easier said than done. He already failed her once. They were lucky that they both made it out alive. She should never have been in that position. It was his responsibility to keep her safe and he failed.
(And I'm afraid)
Live and learn, Ryan. Yes, he failed, but what’s done is done. Learn from it. Don’t let it happen again.
(I'm breaking my own vows)
He can do that. He can try harder.
(knowing I'll go down in flames.)
He only hopes it’ll be enough.